


I Didn't Choose To Love Him

by insecureboyy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-08
Updated: 2014-06-08
Packaged: 2018-02-03 20:53:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1756769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insecureboyy/pseuds/insecureboyy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel ended up falling in love with the boy next door.</p>
<p>If only he wasn't such a big assbutt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Didn't Choose To Love Him

It wasn't like he had chosen to love Dean. He just.. Did. 

It started when they were little, Castiel's sister Anna playing with a bouncy ball she won at an arcade, and Castiel sitting on the bench and reading. He was eight, her six, but he was trusted still, for some reason.

Then he heard a scream, and crying. Shooting up from the bench, and eyes quickly finding Anna, she was bleeding obviously. Next to her was a boy, about Castiel's age, brown/blondish hair, and freckles splattering his face. Then there were his green eyes, which took Castiel's breathe away.

A man in a leather jacket pushed past Castiel, without saying sorry, and walked up to the small boy with freckles. He winced as he heard screaming.

"It wasn't my fault! It was the stupid Milton's fault!" The boy said, and Castiel quickly rushed up to Anna, ignoring him and checking her wounds.

"Do you feel tired? Don't fall asleep Anna. Does it feel like a concussion? Can you move your bones?" Anna stared up at Castiel as he quick-fired questions about if she felt like she was dying.

"N-No.. It just.. Stings.." She sniffled and hugged Cas, crying and snotting into his trenchcoat, which was way too baggy but he still wore it anyways.

"Maybe you should keep track of your brother, boy." The man spat at Castiel, and pulled the boy with green eyes away, another lanky boy, about Anna's age, following them.

"She isn't a boy.." Cas mumbled, sighing softly, "I'll get the first aid kit." After patching her up and managing to get a crying Anna home, he learned that the family he'd bet earlier that day lived next door.

The words the boy said kept ringing in his head, and it made him feel... Sad, like his heart was acing and squeezing, tears brimming in his eyes. Did everyone think their family was stupid and broken? Why? Just because their father left, didn't mean they were stupid nor broken. Maybe their mother used to be on pills, but they were to stop depression.

Who WOULDN'T be sad if their husband had just packed up and left?

The boy.. Made his body fill with warmth. Like when Anna smiled at him. He felt love with Anna, but he hadn't even learned the boys name. How could he love him? Maybe there were two kinds of emotions that made your heart feel like it will burst?

But what would be the other one?

He sighed, his eyes returning to his book. Who knew.

~~~~~~~~~~

Years later, he now ended up sitting at the Winchester's table. Shaking very much, because the green eyed boy named Dean had grown up into.. A very, very attractive boy.

He ended up here because he had to tutor Sam, Dean's younger brother. And then the boy invited him to dinner, and wouldn't take no for an answer.

He looked between the two boys, them staring back at him. Their father hadn't joined them, and apparently rarely does.

"Sammy, can you get your friend to stop freaking out? He's kind of creeping me out."

That hurt.

"Cas? Cas are you okay?" His eyes quickly flicked to Sam, and he relaxed a little, because at least one of the brothers liked him being here. Though it still didn't make him less aware that the person he loved hated his very being.

He shook his head quickly, and.. Oh no. He felt it, the queasiness feeling pooling in his stomach.

"Cas. Calm down." A hand was placed on his shoulder.

He couldn't stop the shaking, and the overwhelming feeling of hate and sadness fueling him.

He quickly backed up his chair, almost falling back. He stood up fast "M-May I be excused?" And with that he ran off, into the bathroom, almost tripping over the carpet.

He ended up locking himself in the bathroom, tears streaming down his cheeks, his new friend banging on the door and yelling for him to come out.

"No." Was his only response, and he ended up repeating it over and over again. He didn't want to come out to pity, and hate. So much hate. He liked being alone, so he wouldn't have to see disappointment in any more eyes.

"Cas, please.. Do you want me to call Lucifer? Or Gabriel? Please, you don't have to stay.. Just.. Come out.."

He opened the door, eyes red and puffy "I.. Please.. Call Lucifer..." And with that, Sam nodded, running off into his fathers library.

He tried to ignore the green eyes studying him. If he looked then he would just lock himself away again.

No wonder they thought he was weird.

~~~~~~~~~~

On his 17th birthday, his brothers gave him many different things.

Gabriel gave him lube, of course. Lucifer and Michael, handing him many books, one of them he'd lost when he was a child, though he always thought that maybe his father took it as something to remember him by. He doubted it, though.

Anna walked up to him, holding out a small wrapped present. He opened it, revealing a box. He studied it carefully, and for a long time, until she finally yelled at him to open it.

Which he did, to reveal a necklace with a pair of angel wings on the end. He smiled and quickly put it on, hugging his sister tightly.

The doorbell rang a few minutes later, and he opened it to reveal an angry Sammy and an annoyed looking older brother.

"We would of been here sooner, but Dean doesn't have interest in anyone but himself, apparently."

"Bitch."

"Jerk." Sam rolled his eyes "Sorry, may we come in?" Castiel nodded slowly, stepping back and letting the two brothers in.

Castiel ended up starting at Dean a lot that night. He'd grown up well, his skin growing tanner, and eyes growing greener. They looked like green apples, if you though about it. And other times, as green as the grass. It made his heart swell, and fill with warmth.

"So... Pie?" Dean asked, looking around. They ended up all fitting on the couch. Lucifer and Gabriel quickly sitting next to Sam, and Michael sitting next to Anna, so him and Dean were stuck squished together on the couch.

All he got was a smirk and a wink from Gabriel. His brother had a love for candy, and the hots for Dean's little brother, whom was only 14, so Cas had to keep slapping him and reminding his brother that he was a MINOR and that he was 4 years YOUNGER than the man for gods sake.

"So what?" Gabriel had replied to him each time, "4 years isn't that long. Plus, Cassy, you should be happy. I could be chasing that hot piece of ass called his brother."

"No." Cas blurted out, answering Dean's question. "No pie.. Sorry.." He mumbled "Gabriel insisted on cake.."

Dean rolled his eyes and sighed "Sammy you said there'd be pie. That's the only reason I went to this stupid place."

At that, all happiness that was there shattered.

"S-Stupid?" Castiel looked at him, and he felt like everyone was staring at him. Well, everyone was, actually. And he felt like crying, but he'd already done that. Dean already thought he was a big baby, just make it worse huh?!

He looked at the ground and blinked, the tears slowly fading, but the knot was still in his throat. "Cas?" He heard faintly.

"Cas.. Are you okay?" Gabriel asked, a frown appearing on his face. And he could practically feel the hate radiating off Lucifer.

"I-I'm fine." Castiel faked a smile, chuckling weakly. "I just.. Have to go put the presents away, okay?" He got up weakly, and grabbed his presents, leaving them on the couch as he went to his room

He tried to ignore the fighting going on next door that night.

~~~~~~~~~~

18, in his graduation gown and cap, Castiel looked in the mirror. He felt weird with the trenchcoat not holding his shoulders down with his weight. A smile formed on his face, and his eyes lit up with pride. But another part of him was quiet, and sad. He chose to ignore it, knowing it will hopefully be gone soon.

He'd be away from the Winchester and away from the pain.

If only saying goodbye was just that easy.

He wanted to get away from Dean, yes, but being in love kept him still aching to see him, to look into his green eyes. And.. To kiss him, but everyone knew that wouldn't ever happen. He didn't want to say goodbye to Sam either, but he was going to college.

He'd told Sammy about his love for his brother years ago, and Sammy still screamed at his brother every time he hurt Cas. He felt bad for causing the fighting, since he didn't want to break up the brothers love, but he knew that could never happen.. Right?

"Cas, ready to go? Sammy walked in, because he practically forced Cas into going to the graduation with him. Sammy wasn't graduating, he was only 15. But Dean was "It's a miracle!" Sam always shouted, and laughed.

"Yeah." Castiel said, hugging his brothers, and Anna, before he left, though they were just going to drive in separate cars.

He walked out, and up to the Impala. He opened the door and got in, trying not to look at Dean.

They never spoke, not since his birthday. Though they never spoke at all before, unless it was to acknowledge that he was only there for Sammy, not to "annoy" Dean. Now Sammy just went over to Castiel's house.

They talked about science, and math, probably making Dean lose his mind. Sam kept smirking every time he would hear him mutter about the fact that they were giant nerds under his breath. 

Once they got there, Dean opened Cas' door, making his heart swell slightly. He probably just meant to open Sam's door, but he'd at least cherish it, y'know?

He got out, looking around, the cold air making his nose sting a bit. He'd have to get used to it though, cause it would probably be about an hour long process.

He walked to the booth up ahead, getting his seat number. He nodded slightly, walking off and finding it. There was an open seat next to him, and he hoped Chuck would sit there. He was one of his best friends.

Sitting down, his eyes started stinging as well, the cold being hell. He wrapped the robe tighter around himself, shivering.

"Cold?" He heard a voice say next to him, and he ended up face to face with who else?

Dean. Fucking. Winchester.

"I.. Yes.." He mumbled slightly, and Dean pulled out his leather jacket. Fuck, was he dreaming? He had to be dreaming.

"Th-Thanks.." He put it on quickly, wrapping it around his shoulders.

"Your wel-" Dean was interrupted by the principal tapping on the microphone.

"Hello students! Well, this has been a great for years for you guys I suppose?" Castiel eventually tuned him out, staring at the sky. He blinked when his name was called, and he slowly got up and walked up to the stage.

He stared at everyone, and they stared back. He really wished social anxiety wasn't a problem for him, but alas, it was.

"Well?" Some kid blurted out, and he blinked.

"S-Sorry.." He mumbled. "I.." He began his speech, about stuff with being happy about graduating, though he doubted anyone was actually listening. Tightening his hold on his diploma, he practically ran off the stage.

Dean gave his speech a while later, but Cas was nowhere to be seen.

~~~~~~~~~~

Standing at the airport, suitcase in hand, he stared at the times.

Delayed. Delayed. Ah hah! Good luck, finally, his would be just on time! He had teary eyes saying goodbye to his brothers, and Anna, well, having to deal with a crying Anna wasn't easy.

He had to say goodbye to Sam, and decided against saying goodbye to Dean, because, well, he doubted Dean cared.

He walked up to the gates, and searched his trenchcoat for his ticket. "Where is it?" He mumbled, a sigh escaping his lips.

"CAS!" He heard his name being shouted out, and he quickly turned around. A man about his age, with brown/blondish hair, freckles splattering his beautiful face, and the most beautiful green eyes ever known, was running at him.

"Dean?" He whispered softly, and the man stopped abruptly.

"Y-You didn't.. Say.. Goodbye.." Dean said between huffs.

"I didn't think you would of wanted me too.." Was all he said, and he studied Dean. "I.. Thought you hated me.."

"Hate you?!" Dean practically shouted, the everyone in the room staring at them. "Hate you?" He said less loudly, and chuckled "God you idiot, I love you."

"Love me..?"

"Yes you ass." And with that, he was pulled into a kiss. His hands found the mans leather jacket, and he gripped tight, almost like he was afraid to let go. It was too good to be a dream, and he was too scared to pinch himself.

Dean eventually pulled away, and he missed him the second he did.

"I love you too.." Castiel replied, and they kissed again.

Dean chose to love him.

**Author's Note:**

> First post on this site, will post the sequel tommorow. Thank.
> 
> Link to DA: http://lategirl123.deviantart.com/
> 
> Link to Tumblr: http://theyogfan123.tumblr.com/


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